Writing here has always been a release for me. Saying somethings I don't vocalize but it feels good to get out into the open. Getting through tough times; just wanting to forget or remembering good times; leaving a record of both.
Saturday, in the mail, I received Buddy's dog license renewal notice. They ask to be notified if you no longer have the animal so I tossed it on my desk with a reminder to call after the long holiday. When I called this morning I surprised myself. You see, telling the clerk we no longer had Buddy made my voice crack. I took a moment and started again. The clerk was more than patient, thank you, and I made it through.
There are some folks that say, "It's just a dog for god's sake, get over yourself!" and I have to say I feel that way too but boy, did I lose a good friend.
Lately we've discussed getting another dog and I keep saying it's because we can be more free to get away without having to worry about a pet but I wonder if that's the case with me. Am I too afraid to get so attached again? Do I miss Buddy or just having a dog? In 42 years of marriage this is the longest stretch without one.
I gave myself until January to decide.